Several times throughout your life, you will experience feeling inferior to others, or having critical and derogatory thoughts about yourself. But for some, this is a pervasive perception that becomes limiting in daily life.
When you evaluate yourself in relation to others with low self-esteem, you will most often be the loser. You evaluate yourself as less capable, less handsome, less smart, less successful, etc., than others. You feel insecure about yourself, and do not feel you can reach the level of others. The feeling of not being good enough is dominant. This can lead to a feeling of hopelessness, sadness, and anxiety, among other things.
Low self-esteem can affect our behavior in such a way that we become reserved and withdrawn. It can lead to us not daring to seek out new experiences, and not daring to take the initiative in new relationships. Conversely, it can also make us whip ourselves into all sorts of activities and achievements in the hope of proving to ourselves and others that we are worth something. This strategy is rarely helpful and will typically not eliminate low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can be a result of one's upbringing, childhood experiences, relationships as an adult, or at work. But we don't always know where our low self-esteem comes from or what the background is.
In therapy, we will examine the 'root' of low self-esteem, as well as uncover which inappropriate thought patterns we have created based on our low self-esteem. These thought patterns keep us in a destructive cycle and hinder us when we try to move forward. We will focus on developing new strategies to make low self-esteem less dominant in everyday life so that you are freer to act in the way you really want. Gradually, you can become able to create the life you want, without being limited by low self-esteem.
3 steps to start the positive change yourself
- Set aside a quarter of an hour to think about the situations where your low self-esteem becomes particularly evident. Write these situations down. Maybe you write 'during the informal chat during lunch break at work', or 'in my role as a parent with other parents', etc.
- Under the situations, write down the specific unpleasant thoughts that arise in that situation. Maybe you write 'During lunch break: -Everything I say sounds silly -Everyone looks at me askance when I talk -I can't think of anything interesting to say'
- Next time, in the situation, try to notice the thought as it comes. Take a deep breath, and tell yourself that the thought is welcome to be there. Return your focus to what is going on around you. Repeat this technique every time the thought arises.
If this is a problem you are struggling with and would like help moving forward, we would like to hear from you. Send us an email or call us and we will find out how we can best help you.
Also read about how you can find signs of ADHD.